He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
