shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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