I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
