Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
