Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
