I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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