My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
