Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i love accidental penises.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
