i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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