Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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