i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
