Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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