you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
