i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
