why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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