one two three fourrrrnication!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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