I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
