Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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