dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
