Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
