Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
