Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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