If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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