We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
