yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
