she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
