they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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