My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
