I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
