i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
