You smell like a Billy Joel song
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
