I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
