Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
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at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
God gave him joint rollers for hands
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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