So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
