just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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