My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
