I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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