I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
