just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
