Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
