Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
