i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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