Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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