So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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