So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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