do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
