what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
