there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
