How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
