my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
