i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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