she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's like iHOP with fire
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
