remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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