I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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