How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
