all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
