"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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