I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
