Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
