I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
