i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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