i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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