He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
