I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
