now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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