Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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