If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
