you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
