He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
