I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
