she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
