I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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